separation anxiety and sleep: how to support your baby through it

Separation anxiety is a normal part of your baby’s development — but it can feel extra tough when it starts to impact sleep. If your little one suddenly won’t settle without you, cries the moment you leave the room, or starts waking more overnight, you are not alone.

While these phases can feel intense, they’re actually a healthy sign that your baby is developing emotionally and building strong attachments. The good news is that with some gentle support and consistency, you can navigate separation anxiety while still protecting your little one’s sleep needs.

In this blog, we’ll explore why separation anxiety happens, how it affects sleep, and ways you can support your baby — while also getting some rest yourself.

What is Separation Anxiety and When Does It Happen?

Separation anxiety typically begins between 7 to 10 months of age, though it can appear earlier or later depending on the child. You might also see it resurface around 18 months, and again in toddlerhood. This developmental phase reflects an important milestone: your baby is starting to understand the concept of object permanence — meaning they realise that you exist even when they can’t see you.

While that’s an exciting cognitive leap, it also means that being away from you (even briefly) can feel unsettling for your baby. Suddenly, they are aware that you’ve left the room, and they’re not sure when or if you’ll come back.

This can show up in various ways — including clinginess, crying when you leave, resistance to being put down, or extra tears at nap time and bedtime. For some babies, the anxiety may also intensify at night or when in unfamiliar places like daycare. It’s completely normal for this phase to temporarily disrupt even well-established sleep routines.

How Separation Anxiety Affects Sleep

It’s no surprise that separation anxiety can make sleep feel harder for both baby and parents. Even babies who previously settled well might suddenly struggle to fall asleep independently, needing more presence and comfort from you.

At bedtime, your little one may cry the moment they’re placed in their cot, resist settling, or demand extra cuddles and contact before drifting off. Overnight, you may find they’re waking more frequently, needing reassurance to feel safe enough to return to sleep.

Naps can also take a hit — particularly when your baby is in new environments or with different caregivers. They might refuse to nap altogether or only nap if you’re nearby.

If you’re experiencing this, it’s important to know you’ve done nothing wrong. Separation anxiety is a normal part of emotional development, and these sleep disruptions don’t mean your little one has “forgotten” how to sleep independently. With some supportive strategies, this phase will pass.

How to Support Your Baby Through Separation Anxiety While Protecting Sleep

While it can be tempting to revert to habits you’d already moved away from, it’s important to stay consistent and supportive during this time. Here’s how you can help your baby feel secure — without undoing the progress you’ve made with sleep.

1. Reassure with Presence
Responsive settling techniques are especially helpful during separation anxiety. Methods like shush-pat, gradual withdrawal, or check-ins allow you to provide comfort while still encouraging independent settling over time. You don’t need to leave your baby to cry alone — instead, focus on supporting them while giving them the space to develop confidence.

2. Create Consistent Routines
Babies feel more secure when they know what to expect. Keeping the bedtime and nap routines consistent, calm, and loving helps provide that predictability. Familiar steps like a bath, books, or a favourite lullaby signal to your baby that sleep time is coming, which can be reassuring when emotions are running high.

3. Practice Brief Separations in the Day
Help build your baby’s confidence with gentle, playful separation practice during the day. Games like peek-a-boo, walking in and out of the room, or encouraging short playtimes with another caregiver can all help your little one learn that you’ll always return.

4. Stay Calm and Confident
Babies are highly attuned to our emotions. If we approach bedtime with anxiety or frustration, they’ll pick up on that. Staying calm, confident, and predictable gives your baby a sense of security and signals that everything is okay, even when they’re feeling uncertain.

5. Introduce Comfort Items
For babies over 7 months, a safe sleep comforter can be a wonderful source of connection when you’re not right beside them. These items can provide familiar comfort and help bridge the gap when they’re settling to sleep or resettling overnight.

6. Give It Time
Separation anxiety is just a phase — though it can feel long when you’re in it! With gentle support, patience, and consistency, your baby will learn to manage those feelings of separation and settle more confidently again.

Final thoughts

Separation anxiety can feel challenging, especially when it disrupts sleep that you’ve worked hard to support. But it’s also a positive sign that your baby is developing emotionally and forming strong, healthy attachments.

With a consistent approach, responsive settling, and lots of reassurance, your baby will move through this stage — and better sleep will return.

If you’re feeling stuck or need tailored advice for your little one’s sleep and emotional needs, I’m here to help. At Restful Sleepers, we provide supportive, evidence-based strategies to guide your family through sleep challenges — including tricky phases like separation anxiety.